In high school, quitting school AND LIFE became an overwhelming desire. I would miss classes, hide away in the bushes by myself, or just remain still. I started listening to the many voices reasoning in my mind. They said, “Life for you is nothing, you’d rather be dead than continue like this. Home is a no go place for you, they wouldn’t understand.” And yet somehow, amidst the sneers and backbiting from my friends, I braved through it all and stood seemingly unscathed.
I miss my father; he left us when I was 14. We were close, Daddy and I. He had done a good job at teaching me many things that are still applicable in my life now. Well, he was leaving for work but to a teenager, there are no words sufficient to describe that your beloved parent will be leaving you for an undefined period of time. I felt abandoned and unwanted. That period in my life marked my first encounter with #Depression.
I thought I was sad, and I was, but I was also depressed.
Sadness is normal. Everyone encounters sadness. Sadness is usually the direct result of a situation, such as a breakup, like in Taylor Swift’s songs. Sadness doesn’t last very long; depression, on the other hand, is something more extreme.
When these sad feelings deepen and persist over the course of weeks or months, it worsens into clinical depression. Unlike sadness, depression involves feelings and emotions that interfere with your state of mind, impair functioning in many aspects of life, and disrupt your view of God, self, or life in general.
You see, I am that person who believes I can do all things if I put my mind and might at it, but recently I learnt that that is exactly how I invited depression into my life. It’s always the ones who are always available for and involved in everyone’s life that usually end up committing suicide. Everyone runs to them for help, they idolize them and pick inspiration from them. If you know of someone you identify as an overly strong person, please surprise them today. Spend some time with them or call just to check up on them.
Most people are surprised when they get to know of the demons I struggle with on a daily basis. I am a multi-potentialite that so many young people look up to, and I have genuinely earned my place in society. I have been described as bubbly, inspirational, fun, always happy. I am passionate and curious about everything. I started and run a successful company. I do not have to hide anymore. I am not alone. And #YouAreNotAlone whoever you are! <3
My dad came back in 2015 after being away for 16 years. I still miss my father. After all those years away, this man is just a stranger shelled within the person I used to adore. I have so much rage and depression within me; sometimes I worry about my husband. I went into isolation for about a year. I learnt to open up. I had to unlearn myself and learn new things about me. I am still learning and striving to be a better me than I was yesterday.
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